Marriage is one of the “Great things in life”. Every country, every culture down to every tribe or clan has its own wedding custom. As a kid in Mauritius in the fifties, I had experienced some of the Hakka marriage custom and culture first hand through the wedding of my sisters.
First and foremost a Hakka girl of age must get married and leave the parent’s home, it was a shame if the girl could not find a husband. And she better marry quick because once she stepped into twenty, she was considered “old” and the older the harder to find an ideal husband. Secondly girls rarely meet their other half directly. Marriage was mainly arranged through a match maker, usually an older lady who might be an acquaintance or a total stranger. Sometimes a match maker might know both sides of the family and would make a proposal of marriage to the parents. Sometimes the parents would enquire around the community for a match, and some match makers might just have a right candidate to broker a marriage. If the parents had someone in mind, they might send a match maker to propose to the other family. Match makers were not professionals and were not paid for their service, but would receive by tradition a “Laisee”, the red packet containing lucky money which Chinese parents give to their children on Chinese New Year.
Once the two families had agreed to the marriage proposal, the girl and the boy could see each other but under some degree of supervision. As a kid I was ordered to follow my sister whenever she went out on a date. I remember my future brother-in-law always came to pick up my sister after our shop had closed for business at seven p.m., day courting was rare because everybody was busy working. He always came by taxi, the same car with the same driver. We usually drove to Champs de Mars, a favourite spot for young lovers. I would sit and wait in the front seat with the driver, while my sister and the boyfriend went on a stroll. A couple hours at most we had to head home. I also remember we went to a movie three of us, watching “The Ten Commandments” featuring Charleston Heston.
Champs de Mars with its horseracing tracks was a favourite spot for young lovers.
Not too long after the match maker’s proposal, a day had to be set for the “betrothal” ceremony. It was a short and simple ceremony usually performed at home, with an exchange of rings, attended by only close members of the two families and the match maker. I believed we had cakes and soft drinks on this occasion.
Then the wedding day had to be fixed soon thereafter. An auspicious day was selected and agreed by both families. The day was chosen, with consideration of the time and date of birth of the boy and the girl, by consulting the Chinese Almanac which my mother, and for that matter most Chinese families, always had a copy handy at home.
The Chinese Almanac, a handy book traditional Chinese use to find auspicious day for an important event
No exception, the girl should be “pure” before marriage, had a good family background, a good education, a good character, apart from being reasonably pretty. The more good qualities she possessed, the better was her chance of finding a good boy from a reputable family. In any case the girl must always be younger in age than the boy. Interracial marriage was strictly forbidden, and going against tradition made one an outcast and as good as dead to the parents and relatives.
Religion was also important when considering marriage. My eldest sister had to adopt the “Protestant” faith to match the groom’s because otherwise she would be barred from entering the Church for the nuptial blessing. Religion however might not matter if the marriage was not taking place in a Church. It is interesting to note that Chinese marriage ceremony is never performed in a Temple, then and now, although the bride and the groom may have prior separately gone to the Temple with their parents to obtain Heaven’s blessing.
My sisters wore traditional western white bridal gown, as opposed to the Chinese traditional red “Cheong Sam” or “Kwa”, which consists of a long sleeve jacket and long skirt, heavily embroidered with gold thread a dragon and a phoenix. Red represents love and prosperity, the dragon the groom, the phoenix the bride in a balanced yin and yang posture. Cheong Sam or Kwa is still a popular wedding dress in Hong Kong and China.
Chinese wedding dress, Kwa, always red in colour, rich embroidery with picture of dragon and phoenix.
In preparation for the wedding my sisters acquired new dress, new shoes and some jewellery, the cost of which was paid for by the groom. They also received presents from friends and relatives, mainly red packets containing money.
The wedding day was a busy day for both families. It ran all day till night. We got up early, wore our best outfits which often were newly made for the occasion. Our wardrobe would have nothing decent. My parents had earlier in the morning offered thanks to the God, with a whole cooked chicken, fried fish, fruits and burning incense at the altar.
A typical Chinese offering to God as a way to say Thank You for good fortune
The groom then arrived with a string of friends and relatives, the boys well groomed and dressed in black suit, white shirt and red tie, the girls in bright colourful dress with lots of frizzle. They arrived by taxi, family cars were a rarity, which were decorated with fresh flowers and colourful ribbons. The bride’s maids played hard and refused to open the door for the groom until he paid an acceptable amount of “Laisee” money, part of the “Door game”. Excitement filled the air as my sister prepared to leave home, to the sound of fire crackers intended to ward off evil spirits. The bride and groom’s car drove first leading the rest of the cars in a procession heading towards Church, honking all the way through town. Curious bystanders lined the street shouting joyously at the convoy.
After the Church ceremony and photo shots we drove to the restaurant, by then it was noon. Again a curious envious crowd pushed their way to have a glimpse of the bride. More fire crackers thundered the air. Guests, sitting around long table with white table cloth and fully set with plates, forks and knives, applauded the newlyweds. The master of ceremonies performed his usual stint and after the wedding cake was cut, we all dipped into our plate and drank Coca Cola, Pepsi Cola or Fanta.
The bride and groom then went to their home to rest, an almost impossible feat due to the constant stream of visitors coming to express good wishes, before going back to the restaurant later in the evening for a traditional Chinese dinner. It was during this break that the bride and groom performed the “tea ceremony” for the parents and senior family members, an act of utmost respect. During dinner the bride and groom were subject of the “Teasing the newlywed” game, a traditional entertaining feature of Chinese wedding, entailing hilarious practical pranks on the couple.
Bride and Groom on their knees offer tea, using both hands, to the parents and senior members of the family, The Tea Ceremony.
One month later my sister and my brother-in-law came to visit us at our home, the last part of the Chinese marriage custom, to show thanks and gratitude to the parents and family.
A cousin’s wedding 1950s with her bride maids