Chinese are very much, one way or another, influenced by the teachings of Confucius, a Chinese teacher and philosopher born some 500 years before Christ. Confucius’s philosophy emphasized personal morality, correctness of social relationships, justice and sincerity. It espoused strong family loyalty, respect of elders by their children and of the husbands by their wives. For sure we Chinese children always and will continue to respect our elders, but in this modern age wives respect of their husbands has waned, not necessarily that I do not agree with this new behaviour, as demonstrated by the many divorces among the Chinese.
In the west parents rarely live with their children, and when they grow old, they likely end up in a senior retirement home. Chinese parents most likely live with one of their children till they leave this world. Both my father and mother lived with my eldest brother till they passed away in their nineties.
As a kid, we were taught to address our elders respectfully, by calling them by their hierarchical position, rather than by their first name as is customary in the west. For example we would call our elders: uncle, auntie, grandpa, grandma, and never call them by their name. Interestingly when I was in Hong Kong in the 1960s I often heard young kids calling their older siblings as “big brother” or “big sister” and this type of address continued even when the younger kids had grown to an adult. So in Hong Kong I always called my elder sister “Sister” and my brother-in-law “Brother-in-law”. In the west children call their teacher by their last name, adding Mister or Miss, a respectable way of address. Chinese children do the same such as “Good morning Miss Wong” but quite often it would be one step further “Good morning teacher”.
We were taught to be humble and not arrogant or show off. Therefore when we went out with mom and dad to visit relatives or acquaintances, we always kept quiet, to the point of shyness. In the hierarchy of things, whether it was a family discussion, a business meeting or a triad encounter, juniors were not to speak out of turn. When you did, the common warning, followed by a stern side glance, was: “Who say it is your turn to speak?” Looking back, I think this behaviour is not the best practice because it stifles the natural development of the child. Rightly, Chinese kids are now no longer “muffled”, they are encouraged to join the conversation and speak their mind.
I remember there was a popular anecdote in the sixties: when a western person went for a job interview he always boasted that he had all the knowledge and skill to tackle the job, even though he might be aware of the fact that he was far from being competent. Whereas an Asian person always said humbly that he was not sure if he could handle the job but would try his very best with the help and guidance of the boss, although in his heart he knew he was very much capable. If in Asia, the Asian most likely would get the job. If in western countries the Asian would have not a chance. This philosophy no longer works in the modern world, you now have to show all your skills, knowledge and confidence to land the job.
I remember one time in my early working years in Hong Kong, I went for an interview with the English manager of the lending department of the bank where I was working, for a job advancement. The manager asked me: “McDonald recently opened its first shop in Hong Kong, do you know why it is so successful”. I did not know the reasons and I failed to obtain the job.
